A relational experiment

A community of care is a small group of people who have decided they would like to have long-term, mutually supportive relationships. This small group is like a chosen family, where each person is welcome to be themselves. Each person in this group freely offers and receives care. In this way, a support system forms so that our needs may be met and our gifts expressed without transactions or surface level relationships. While this sounds wonderful, there are many good reasons why this kind of community is exceptionally rare.

Many people these days long for relationships like this. The problem is, we don’t have many role models for how this works. Unfortunately, in today’s world we have many internalized patterns which generate conflict and harm when people try to approach each other for deep, supportive relationships.


Exploring the possibility of belonging to a community of care

Because forming communities of care is not as easy as it sounds, we have developed an exploratory process for people who are curious about what it might be like to form one and belong to one.

This process is not a commitment to form a long-term relationship or agree on a shared vision. It is an invitation to explore how we relate before deciding what we might do.

Participation in this process is completely voluntary at every stage. Every person is welcome and encouraged to pause or exit the process if they sense it isn’t a good fit for them.

If you’re curious about what this process would look like, here is an outline.

Foundational Orientation (Before the Process Begins)

Before entering the process, each participant is invited to read and reflect on the following foundations.

These are not aspirational ideals. They are starting assumptions. If these principles don’t work for you, we respect and honor that. However, it means this exploratory process isn’t a good fit for you.

We welcome questions and reflections on the foundational orientation, and some clarification and/or revisions are possible through dialogue.

1. Sovereignty

  • Each person is sovereign in their own life.

  • Each person chooses whom to be in relationship with, and how.

  • Each person is responsible for their own well‑being.

  • No one enters this process to be fixed, saved, persuaded, or led. Trying to educate, fix, lead or persuade others isn’t welcome.

2. Mutual Care

  • Care is mutual, not offered or received in only one direction.

  • Care is offered freely, out of natural willingness.

  • Receiving care does not imply weakness or obligation.

3. Difference

  • Participants do not need to share worldviews, beliefs, or interpretations of reality.

  • No single perspective defines the field.

  • Disagreement is expected; domination is not.

4. Exit as Sacred

  • Anyone may pause or leave the process at any time.

  • Leaving is understood as an act of care when staying would compromise integrity.

  • No explanation is required, but always welcome.

Participants are invited to participate only if these foundations feel intuitive and natural.

Structure Overview

  • Duration: 3 months

  • Pace: Slow and spacious

  • Format: Primarily asynchronous, with optional live gatherings

  • Group Size: Small (ideally 4–8 people)

The process unfolds in three phases, each approximately one month long.

Phase 1 (Month 1): Willingness & Orientation

Purpose

To establish consent, clarity, and self‑responsibility before relational depth. This phase is about choosing to be here.

Practices

1. Individual Reflection (Written)
Participants respond privately (and share with the group if they choose) to prompts such as:

  • What draws me to explore community now?

  • What am I hoping won’t happen in community?

  • What tends to happen to me in groups when things get uncomfortable?

  • What would make leaving this process feel like a caring choice?

Participants are welcome to offer their own prompts to the group and share what they are moved to share.

2. Shared Orientation Call (Optional, Live)
A single live gathering to:

  • name the purpose and limits of the process

  • review the foundations

  • ask clarifying questions

There is no expectation of self‑disclosure beyond what feels natural.

What We Are Sensing

  • Comfort with relating that is slow, spacious, and completely optional

  • Ability to stay connected to oneself when relating, and to participate in group activities only when completely sure it feels right

Phase 2 (Month 2): Attunement & Relational Sensing

Purpose

To begin sensing one another as people, not roles or possibilities. The focus here is presence before story.

Practices

1. Attunement Exercises (Asynchronous)
Participants are invited into gentle, non‑performative practices, such as:

  • noticing what it feels like inside when others in the group speak or write

  • reflecting on bodily responses to connection and distance

  • reflecting on what feels easy, and what takes more effort

Prompts may include:

  • What do I notice in myself when I imagine staying in this process?

  • Where do I feel openness? Where do I feel contraction?

  • What feels alive in the field right now?

2. Council‑Style Sharing (Optional, Live or Written)
Participants may share reflections one at a time, without response or discussion. Listening is emphasized over exchange.

What We Are Sensing

  • Capacity for mutual presence

  • Comfort with ambiguity

  • Ability to witness without fixing

Phase 3 (Month 3): Discernment & Differentiation

Purpose

To sense honestly whether continued exploration or separation feels true. This phase prioritizes clarity over continuity.

Practices

1. Discernment Reflections (Written)
Prompts may include:

  • What have I learned about myself through this process?

  • What capacities feel present here? What feels missing?

  • What would it mean to continue relating from integrity?

  • What would it mean to stop?

2. Closing Gathering (Optional)
A final live session for those who wish to attend, focused on:

  • naming what has shifted

  • witnessing one another’s clarity

  • honoring both continuation and departure

No decisions are required during the gathering.

Possible Outcomes

  • Some participants may wish to continue exploring together.

  • Some may choose to step back.

  • Some relationships may pause or end.

All outcomes are honored.

What This Process Is and Is Not

This Process Is:

  • an exploration of relational capacity

  • practice in sovereignty and care

  • a way to sense fit without entanglement

This Process Is Not:

  • a commitment to form a community

  • a selection mechanism

  • a substitute for therapy or coaching

A Closing Orientation

If something meaningful emerges from this process, it will do so with ease.

If nothing continues, the process will still have been a success if participants leave with:

  • greater clarity about themselves and relationships

  • intact dignity

  • and respect for one another’s paths

The aim is not to form a community quickly. The aim is to discover whether a community of care could be formed by this group in a natural, emergent way. It is highly likely that the answer to this question may be no, at least for some in the group. Regardless of outcome, we believe the process is valuable and worthwhile, at least for us. We’re inviting others who think it be valuable for themselves as well.

If you've read this far and find yourself curious, you're welcome to write to me at jenniferdamashek at protonmail.com. Or you can use the contact form on this website.

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